When mothers become strangers to their children, deviance flourishes

S. N. Msasanuri
Bongo blast

A CERTAIN family was shocked to get an unrealistically high telephone bill and the father decided to get to the bottom of the matter and find out the person responsible. So he approached his wife and asked her whether she was the one who had been using the phone, but the wife distanced herself and said: “I don’t know anything about it, I don’t use the phone. Actually, when I want to make calls natumia simu ya kazini. So stop bothering me and ask the maid.”

The man saw sense in what his wife was telling him and he asked the maid, who replied: “You can ask your firstborn child because mimi nikitaka kupiga simu natumia simu ya kazini.” Goes one of the jokes depicting the relationship between domestic workers and their bosses.

Domestic workers (house girls and garden boys) have for a long time been essential components of most households. Not only do they give a helping hand but end up crossing the sacred line and satisfy insatiable sexual appetites of their bosses. In most cases, they provide the missing link by fulfilling the duties one of their masters who will be too busy to fulfill or in other cases will be too casual and weak to an extent that he or she leaves a partner unsatisfied.

This has led to a lot of bickering and mistreatment especially of house girls by the ladies of the house. Bickering, counter accusations and back biting characterizes the relationship between a maid and her madam.

As I grew up, I never stopped wondering why wherever I went wadada, as they are affectionately known, had two images. In the eyes of their madams, they were incompetent, silly, dirty and in many cases were referred to as ugly. But contrary to this image, male children at the house and their fathers had other thoughts. They give these sisters the respect they deserve to the extent of calling them beauties, warm and tender people who are genuine employees there to fulfill their duties diligently.

I also noticed that most women are not comfortable employing a “city girl” for a maid. When they want a maid they send their relatives or friends going upcountry to bring one for them. They want someone who poses no threat to them and their marriage.

One day, I overheard some respectable women in the community having a conversation about these helpers. One of them in advising the other said don’t ever employ these city girls as maids, “wadada wa hapa jijini wajanja sana wanakuchukulia mume wako.”

This has led to the lives of these poor and innocent souls to become a living hell. Most women feel threatened with the mere presence of a maid. They see maids as threats to their marriages and as people bent on soiling their marriages.

So most women resort to ill treating the girls and they even go to an extent of coining derogatory names for the servants. These are only aimed at demeaning them and making them perceive themselves as useless and unfit to pursue the boss’ husband.

For sure, there have been many incidences where baba anampa mimba house girl. But who is to blame? Some women, because they are formally employed and sometimes earn a salary higher than that of their husbands, turn themselves into invincibility. They quickly forget who they are and the role they need to play for their marriage to succeed.

The problem is some women forget that despite being formally employed they have a role to play in the family. As married women they need to make their men feel their presence in a better way.

The problem usually starts when the maid assumes duties of the madam of the house. I have heard of many wadada complaining of their madams’ laziness to an extent that they are forced to do some unimaginable things.

Some madams have become so lazy that they can’t make up their own beds and worse still wash not only their husbands’ undergarments, but even their own. Yes dear reader it’s true. It is a fact that some house girls are made to not only clean their masters’ bedrooms, wash their masters’ undergarments but their madams suddenly forget what stays where. They often tell their husbands to ask the maid where his socks or pants are.

Some madams are just too dirty and have developed I don’t care attitude in life. They see marriage as having achieved what they wanted and see no reason to bath. As soon as they get married, suddenly they forget all the hair styles they used to put on when they were still single and searching. This reminds me of a singer whose song warns ladies that they should not change the way they look after themselves when they get married.

In some circumstances, some women have been blamed for turning into animals as they nag their husbands. This drives husbands away and the only option they think of is to find solace in other women, house girls included. In fact house girls are sometimes nicknamed painkillers

Who will be to blame if the husband seeks solace in a house girl who because is still searching is trying by all means to keep up appearances?

I can spend the whole day pointing weaknesses some women have that force their husbands to eat mapanya walioko nyumbani. I am saying so because a certain friend of mine told me that house girls are like rats. When they work for you and stay with you, they are like rats, you can’t eat them, they are forbidden fruit. But, if you come across someone’s house girl, then she is like a mouse you can snare that one and eat without any problem.

Men, don’t think you are exonerated from this problem. In fact you are the trouble makers as there is no justification in leaving your loved one, the lady of your dreams and the one you promised on the alter that on your wedding day that “until death do us part”.

What happened to this promise? Most house girls have been taken advantage of and some of them have gone to the extent of being raped by shameless men who can’t find satisfaction in their wives.

Men should learn to control their wild appetites that force them to go out of their way not only to taste what the house girl cooks but also what she has.

Enough about men, I am much worried about the madams I have mentioned before, who forget their duties. This is the reason deviance is increasing among our children. They are a forgotten lot. They don’t know what mother’s love is like.

Most children are left at the mercy of house maids who teach them their way of life. In most cases, these maids unload their frustrations on the child. They take all the mistreatments they endure from their bosses onto an innocent child.

Some maids are wachawi, yes real witches while some are Satanists. They usually teach these children their ways of life. I also think it is one of the reasons some parents are shocked when their children become gays or lesbians.

Society is awash with sad stories of children who died or were left traumatized after maids mistreated them. The problem of deviance will never end in this country as long as mothers continue to trust maids with their children.

I have often seen many children crying when ever their mothers try to hold them, after a long day at work, preferring to remain with the maid than the mother. The mothers become strangers to their own children. It is vital for every mother to bring up a child the way she likes him to be. But, in most cases, children end up being strangers to their own parents.

It remains true that many women are formally employed and just like their husbands wake up very early only to come late, but, it is important that they utilize the very little time they have with their children, to create a special bond that will enable the child to grow up as a good citizen.

Stop depriving your children of motherly love and make sure that you train them in a manner that whenever they grow up they will never depart from it. Mothers, stop being strangers to your children and produce children you will be proud of tomorrow. God bless you.

bongoblast@thisday.co.tz

CCM reshuffles: A case of a leopard trying to change its spots

Simbarashe Msasanuri

(BongBlast)
The winds of change that currently swept across the ruling Chama Cha Mapinduzi's top echelon seems to be the dim light beginning to show at the end of a long and dark tunnel as it brings with it hope that sanity will at last be restored in the party that is said to have lost touch with the people who voted them into power.

Though for many, the changes are welcome and being considered a move towards the right direction, there is need to be cautious and let time vindicate the changes. The recent changes, everyone will agree with me, were not only necessary for the party to strengthen itself and regain wananchi's confidence, but also were long overdue.

The party made a bold decision by replacing old brooms with seemingly new ones, in a bid to sweep clean the party that was slowly moving towards political abyss that could have seen the party losing its relevance and subsequently dying a natural death. The move, hailed by many, should be used as a springboard for the revival of the party. The new leadership should live up to expectations if ever they will entertain any thoughts of reviving the party that is facing its strongest ever opposition in history.

And, with the newly appointed secretary-general, Mr Wilson Mukama, having immediately assumed office and promised fireworks, vowing to leave no stone unturned when it comes to tackling corruption, all hope seems not lost for the party and if the whole team adopts this vigor and vitality, fronting a no nonsense approach to corruption and other practices that are demeaning the party, then CCM will be invincible in no time.

Mukama warned the party members implicated in corruption scandals to either quit or be prepared to face the music. But, though this is a good stance as corruption is fast becoming one of the causes of the party's downfall, many questions remain unanswered. One of them being the kind of music the secretary-general is promising that the party hasn't played before.

Though simple as it might look, the problem has roots too deep to uproot. The crisis the party is facing can never be solved by a mere threat and requires action. The first mistake the party did was to allow corrupt individuals to manipulate the party structures to their advantage, to become powerful people who will become very difficult to get rid of.

The new broom that has been commission, without adequate support from senior party members, might find the going too tough and the dirty too heavy to sweep. They will obviously make a lot of noise when they are still new in office but mark my word, if they are not strong enough, their noise will quickly turn into silence, relegating them to being toothless bulldogs.

This is so because in the first place, the party should have made these changes long back by banning all tainted leaders from vying for parliamentary and other government and party seats. We have a lot of these corrupt leaders who are members of parliament. They were elected by the people due to their influence and financial muscles and it will be difficult to get rid of them. Neither will it be easy to tell them to voluntarily resign or relinquish their posts. This will be a non starter and Mukama knows that.

The same people have used their financial acumen to penetrate the structures of the party to such an extent that getting rid of them seems mission impossible. If the restructuring exercise had begun before last year's elections, then the party could have managed to get rid of corrupt individuals by now. I know this might have a backlash on the party where divisions are likely to emerge but, it is for the betterment of the party as in the long run it would emerge more powerful than before.

The party gains nothing by harbouring controversial and corrupt individuals, who in most cases taint its image. Let me give free advice to Mukama and his team that the battle has just began and they should brace for a long and gruesome battle as these corrupt individuals are no push overs. They have stood their ground and managed to stay not only in the party but as leaders in various portfolios in government so this will be more of a David and Goliath battle.

The problem here is that when rotten tomatoes are placed in the same basket with fresh ones, they tend to spoil the good ones. And, this scenario does not only depict rotten tomatoes that were put in the same tin with good ones but those that have been in the basked for a long time, making it difficult to distinguish the rotten ones from those that are still good. This is the puzzle Mukama is facing to such an extent that the influence of the rotten ones has spread like veld fire within the party.

The new secretariat team, to show that they are not taking things lying down, pledged a CCM nationwide “cleansing” drive, which according to the new publicity secretary, Mr Nape Nnauye, will see reshuffles being conducted from district to regional level across the country.

On paper, the announced steps seem good and if they are religiously followed, then a new CCM is in the offing. What continues to boggle many people's minds is whether the party will be able to transform itself and gain the confidence of the general public.

Some people believe that the new team is just building castles in the air and very soon they will join the squad. The truth of the matter is that they will either succeed and bring about the much-needed change into the party or they will be swallowed and join them. No one will fault them since it is written that “if you can't defeat them, then join them.”

The secretariat faces a daunting task and they should be prepared to tear the party apart in order to rebuild it so that it emerges stronger. The problem is that politics is a game of numbers and influence. It is against this that it will be difficult for CCM to take decisive measures on those with tainted hands because besides it having the potential to split the party, it also has the ability to weaken it at a time the opposition is gaining ground at an alarming rate.

The other problem is that most of these corrupt individuals wield a lot of power in the party and they have a lot of supporters of which if they are expelled from the party, will likely to go with their supporters. The job is not as easy as the Mukama team thinks. It will be an uphill task trying to get rid of unruly elements from the party structures.

I would bet my last shilling that because the aim of the secretariat is to revive and not to weaken the party, they are most likely going to apply emergency breaks whenever they find themselves taking steps that are likely to worsen the party's fragility. As long as we continue to have the corrupt leaders within the party structures and the political environment remaining as it is for the country's oldest political party, changing the face of the party will remain just but a pipe dream.

It will remain to be seen whether CCM ‘itaweza kujivua gamba bila kujidhuru’. Only time will tell and a good luck to the new brooms. God bless us.