Of married bachelors, married widows and marriages of convenience

Tanzania last week joined the rest of the world in commemorating the World Family Day. But since that day I have been asking myself whether as a nation, we have something we can look back on and be proud of in as far the institution of marriage and family are concerned.

It is an open secret that this day comes at a time when the institution of marriage is under threat, not only in this country, but through out the world. People are divorcing as if it's a competition of some sort. On the other hand cohabiting is fast becoming the in thing.

I know culture is dynamic and the way of life people lead, changes over time, but it seems as if the waves of cultural imperialism and invasion are too strong for us, especially our youths to an extent that they are left confused.

While long back, a family was considered as the basic unit for social integration, where children were modeled to fit into the society and in most cases, they carried these values unto death, nowadays, families are more of business entities or rather institutions of convenience, where two people with different interests live together for personal aggrandizement.

It is a shame because this always has a reflex effect where products of these marriages are half baked. These become social misfits, leading to the proliferation of deviance in our society. This country is battling crimes such as banditry, cattle rustling, murder and corruption just but to mention a few and if we trace the root cause of this problem we discover that most if not all the people who are involved in these hideous acts come from unstable families. Most of them are half baked in the sense that in their up bringing, they lacked vital components such as love and care.

Increasing moral decay in the society, dominated this year's family day commemorations held in Zanzibar last week. Parents and teachers in the isles bemoaned the ever rising moral decay, citing misbehaving, use of illicit drugs, increased absenteeism in schools, unwanted pregnancies, school dropouts, increased divorce rates and children abandonment as some of the most common problems bedeviling many families.

The love for money has led to parents to become cold towards their children, depriving them attention and love. And, if this continues, then no light can be seen from the end of a dark tunnel and we should declare marriage endangered.

I was shocked recently when I cam across a debate on Facebook on married bachelors. At first I couldn't come to terms with the subject and asked myself how someone can be married and at the same time be a bachelor but after assessing the reality on the ground, especially in these unions of convenience we call marriage today, I discovered that many married men are bachelors.

They may be putting on wedding rings, boasting of having one of the most beautiful women on earth or the one with the most rugged terrain in Bongoland or what ever, but the fact remains that they are more of bachelors than married men.

These are mostly victims of the modern society where women, having fought for their rights, are now equal to men. They are as equal decision makers as men and have a lot of influence when it comes to matters concerning their families. To add more misery to most men is the very tired working woman, who toils all day to feed her family to an extent that she forgets that ugali is in abundance where she came from. In other words, she forgets the real thing she came for.

The zeal to get rich has made both men and women to forget the real reason they got married. They forget that as parents, they have duties to perform and in most cases they dedicate their duties to servants of the house.

A scenario where the mother of the house leaves home very early in the morning to beat transport woes and returns home late daily. This woman has no alternative but to leave everything in the hands of a maid. Under these circumstances, the man becomes a married bachelor.

The same applies to men, who practically abandon their families for one reason or the other. There are some men, whose children don't know their faces because they come home late everyday and leave early in the morning.

A story is told of a man who used to come very late drunk everyday and leaving early in the morning to an extent that his only child did not have the chance to talk to him. The child only knew his father through the scent of beer.

So one day, the mother decided to go shopping with the small boy and they used a road that passed by a certain pub. Upon catching the scent of beer, the child pulled the mother's hand and said “Mama hapa kuna harufu ya baba, twende tukamchukue”.

The mother had a torrid time trying to convince the little child that it wasn't the father but a mere pub where beer is sold. That is what happens when wives become widows while their husbands are still alive. When it comes to this problem, I think women are the most affected. There are more widows out there than bachelors.

The problem of nyumba ndogos and girlfriends have reduced many wives to mere place holders who continue to live with their so called husbands for the sake of dignity and children. We have so many people who love their bottle more than their wives. These can forgo going home but cannot do without gulping one or two.

I am not exonerating women on this. There are some who fall into the same bracket, who love partying, drinking and pleasure more than their children. It is unfortunate that where two elephants fight, the grass suffers and this rightly applies to children who suffer the consequences of their parents' actions. The end result is a society full of watoto watundu and this leads to moral and social decay.

As long as families continue to be battle grounds, where the husbands and wives, because of their partners' unbecoming behaviour, continue being on a war path then the problem of deviance and other social misnomers will never end.

It is true that we are all what we are today because of our family backgrounds. A notorious armed robber was about to be executed after being sentenced to death by hanging. He was asked if he had a last wish and he said he wanted to see his mother for the last time.

The mother was called and the criminal politely asked the mother to come near because he wanted to whisper something into her ear. When the mother came closer, the robber chewed off his mother's ear. A battle ensured as the mother was trying to free herself but it was too late as the bigger part of the ear had been damaged.

He then yelled at his mother who was writhing in agony and told her that the reason he had done what he did was for it to serve as a reminder to her that she was the one responsible for his predicament. He also told her that he had become what he was because of the mother who had failed to give her proper guidance from the beginning.

Let's therefore, give our children the chance to be good citizens by teaching them good manners. We gain nothing when we defend our children after they do mischief. Even the holy book commands us not to spare the rod lest we spoil the child. God bless you.

bongoblast@thisday.co.tz

Of deception, infertility and miracle babies

BongoBlast

“You reap what you sow,” is a pregnant statement that not only shows realities of life but also an undisputed and proven concept. When it comes to farmers, they know that they cannot sow seed maize and reap groundnuts. Nothing except a miracle will bring out such results.

In other words, an organism tends to reproduce one of its own kind and if anomalies are encountered, investigations and studies are usually instituted to determine the cause. Though there have been some crossbreeds, it is usually rare to get them using living organisms of the same kind.

In human procreation, the same concept applies and people reap what they sow. In other words there is no way a person can give birth to a puppy after being intimate with a fellow human being. Again human nature has it that where people of different races become intimate, they produce a child of mixed colours.

But, a new phenomenon that is seemingly proving too difficult to believe is emerging. The number of black couples having children with white skin and hair is increasing. The world is out of words as even scientists cannot explain the causes, though many people quickly dismiss it as infidelity on the part of the woman. This is cemented by the saying that mama ndiye anayemjua baba wa mtoto. So only the mother can tell us who the real father of the baby is.

There was shock across the whole of the United Kingdom as a couple received a white baby boy and this is the second time black parents gave birth to a white child within less than 12 months. The first white baby birth occurred in July 2010.

Francis and Arlette (parents of the second baby) like the earlier couple reported in July 2010, have no white relations or ancestry. The latter gave birth to a beautiful baby girl with pure blond hair while the former has received a healthy baby boy with physical features evidently of his parents apart from the skin colour and the blond hair.

In the first incident, the stunned black dad of the new-born, white, baby girl declared then that: "I’m sure she’s my kid . . . I just don’t know why she’s blonde."

Nmachi Ihegboro has amazed genetics experts who say the little girl is not an albino.

Dad Ben (44), a customer services adviser, admitted: "We both just sat there after the birth staring at her."

Mum Angela (35), of Woolwich, South London, beamed as she said: "She’s beautiful — a miracle baby." Ben told how he was so shocked when Nmachi was born, he even joked: "Is she mine?’’

He added: "Actually, the first thing I did was look at her and say, ‘What the flip?’" But as the baby’s older brother and sister — both black — crowded round the "little miracle" at their home in South London, Ben declared: "Of course she’s mine."

Blue-eyed blonde Nmachi, whose name means "Beauty of God" in the Nigerian couple’s homeland, has baffled genetics experts because neither Ben nor wife Angela has any mixed-race family history.

Pale genes skipping generations before cropping up again could have explained the baby’s appearance.

Ben also stressed: "My wife is true to me. Even if she hadn’t been, the baby still wouldn’t look like that.

These guys are too confident to say the least. I am not suggesting anything here dear reader, but to be confident of such things is something very difficult to stomach. Though there is something more than meets the eye, I just couldn't keep on imagining what would have happened if those children had been born at our own Muhimbili or any other local hospital. I don't even want to imagine what would have happened if they were to be born in one of the remotest parts of the country.

The first thing that us men, this side of the earth, would have done is to label the woman a prostitute, while at the same time denouncing paternity of the child. Some people would blame it on witchcraft while others will label it an abomination. I really don't know what to call it but as the saying goes, the one who knows the father of the baby is the woman.

With so much deception going on in this world, I would advise the men to go for DNA tests first before claiming that they are the fathers of the white children. If the DNA proves that they are the real fathers, then we can safely call them miracle babies.

Just as I have mentioned earlier, we have so many miracle babies in our society, where deception and lies force men to raise other people's children, under the pretext that they are theirs. This, however, turns disastrous once the truth is uncovered.

These babies are so common especially these days where fertility among men in Bongo is said to have dropped to shocking levels. Medical tests are said to be showing that 35 percent of those going for checkups are often diagnosed as barren. Doctors are attributing the rise in the rate of infertility in men to certain types of occupations as well as lifestyles in the fast changing and competitive world.

I think the government should make it mandatory for all men to undergo the testing. If that happens, we won't be surprised to find out that some men, who are currently boasting of having a full house, by having many children, including those from nyumba ndogos, are actually barren. What ever the miracle that would occur for them to end up having not only their wives but including small houses pregnant is something that will remain in need of answers.

Society is usually to blame for these miracle babies as soon after a couple weds, they begin counting and looking for signs of pregnancy. This puts a lot of pressure on the couple, especially women, some of whom are forced to look for miracle babies. This will be done to save face.

What most people forget is that, a man and woman get married, not because they want to have children, but because they love each other. Once people marry for the sake of having children or family then that family will not last. I believe that's why people are divorcing as if it's a competition.

Miracle babies are real and in most cases have helped to save shaky marriages. With each and everyone pointing the finger at a woman whenever a couple fails to have a child, most of them are left without a choice but to look for miracle babies. But with this day and age where HIV is ravaging the society, it becomes dangerous as besides getting a temporary solution to a marriage, miracle baby, one can also bring in another problem, HIV/AIDS.

It is the duty of society to protect and stop discriminating against couples who fail to have children. Failure to do that, then the problem of miracle babies will stay with us for a long time. God bless you!

bongoblast@thisday.co.tz

Ageing: A death warrant for the elderly?

SIMBARASHE MSASANURI
Dar es Salaam

SAM (not his real name) is disturbed by the sudden illness of his son to such an extent that he fears losing him. Having witnessed his other child thinning away to death, he could not stomach a repeat of the horrible experience. And, with the remoteness of his village coupled with a strong belief of consulting traditional healers every time his family member falls ill, he quickly lifts his motionless child and commands his sobbing wife to follow him to a nearby traditional healer.

As they approach the traditional healer's place, the child's condition deteriorates further instilling panic in him and his wife. The traditional healer doesn't waste time, he quickly pretends to diagonise the problem and tells Sam that the child has been bewitched.

“Doctor, May you please tell us the culprit so that we can teach her a lesson,” said Sam, showing some traits of being inpatient.

The healer falls into a deep trance, roars like a lion and speaks in a deep horse voice, “. . . I can see, this person, is a close relative who is the first one to come to your house every morning and pretends to care for you and your family. The person is jealous of your wife and is out to revenge. That's all I can tell you!”

Coincidentally Sam's mother because of love and care, comes early in the morning to see how her grandchildren are, becomes Sam's number one suspect. In fact, he had suspected her for a long time especially from the time her eyes turned red.

With age catching up with her, Sam's mother is now frail, thin and the wrinkles on her face makes her look like a monster to such an extent that even her own children are suspecting her of being a witch.

And, with the fear of losing his son continuing to grow, Sam throws the hapless son into the arms of his wife and dashes home where he meets with his other relatives, informing them of the confirmation of their suspicions that the mother was the one causing illnesses in the family.

The next day early in the morning, people gather at Sam's mother's house as her body lies motionless in a pool of blood. The killers are unknown but the society is grateful that a witch has been killed. Not even the threats of the police could make the people in the society divulge the killers and the case is closed.

This is one of the living examples of what the elderly are going through in this country as they continue to pay the price of ageing. A lot of these women are killed, mostly by their relatives, on witchcraft accusations.

People in places where the killings are rife, due to the remoteness in some of the areas, depend on traditional healers who practice fortune telling, which contributes a lot to the killing of these innocent people, said HelpAge International Programme Manager, Flavian Bifandimu.

“Historically, the suspects were being isolated as punishment, with time it changed to marching them out of the village. They drove them to the boundary of the village and they get into the next village and if they are not welcome, would move until they find somewhere to settle. But now, people have resorted to killing the suspects.”

He said that in a research his organisation did in the areas affected by this social anomaly, the people in these areas tend to believe that anything that is not normal is associated with witchcraft.

“They consult traditional healers and older women, not men, are targeted because of red eyes. To them, that is an indication of witchcraft. But, we are forgetting that we are talking of someone who started using firewood and dried cow dung from an early age of 12 up to 60 or so years. Obviously their eyes will be red.

“They are being killed for the eyes that are red because they were cooking for their families under difficult circumstances,” Bifandimu said.

He also said that one of the issues that make these women get killed is that of property such as land.

“When there is conflict between a sister and brother over land or any other property and if the woman is tough to defend her rights, the brother will claim that she is a witch and once she is labelled a witch, she is killed.

“The community believes that the killer has done them good by getting rid of a witch. This makes the community not forthcoming when police officers try to hunt down the killers. This then makes it difficult for the police to get the culprits,” he said.

Bifandimu also blamed the problem on lack of awareness in the community because the Sukuma people believe that if you kill a witch it's not a crime and instead of exposing the killers, the society protects them.

It has deteriorated to the extent that it is risky to enquire with the police about a relative killed due to witchcraft reasons because the enquirer will be regarded as an accomplice and might end up getting killed also.

He went on to say that awareness on HIV/AIDS and how it is transmitted will be important in fighting this problem. “If the community understands that HIV/AIDS is a disease and it's not a matter of being bewitched and if they could distinguish it from witchcraft, then inroads will be made. They also have to know that killing is a crime and they will be booked.”

He also said that traditional healers should be sensitised to stop fortune telling.

The security groups in these areas, commonly known as sungusungu meant to protect people and their animals, at one point grew in power to the extent of summoning village meetings, ordering people to vote for people they thought were witches and those identified were killed.

“HelpAge Internation with its partners sensetised these militia groups to leave the practice. After three years, there was a remarkable decrease in these killings. Religious leaders on the other hand are respected and have helped to educate people on these issue,” he added.

When it comes to the killings, Bifandimu said that there are youths who are paid for the job. Some of these killers are known to the public but they hide them. And, according to media reports the killers are offered between 100 000/- and 200 000/- per head.

“There are competent killers who are known to kill with only one strike. They need not to strike the person with a machete two times. These are not only known but are also paid more. So, to end this problem, both the one who killed and the one who paid him to kill should be brought to book.”

To solve the issue of red eyes, HelpAge International and its stakeholders introduced local efficient stoves where the chimney is placed to avoid smoke damaging the women's eyes.

Since ageing is a process that starts once one is born, there is need for this country to prepare for ageing and in the long run protect those who have come of age. The killing of the elderly women on superstition and witchcraft accusations not only infringes human rights but also tarnishes the image of this peace loving country.

Concerted efforts, therefore, is needed to end this madness at a time when life expectation has been reduced due to the dreaded HIV/AIDS ravaging the society . On the other hand the youths of today should be the ones in the forefront fighting killing of the elderly because when they grow old, it will become their turn to get killed.

Butchered over witchcraft accusations!

. . . Old women framed, killed over property rights, jealous and inheritance

SIMBARASHE MSASANURI
Dar es Salaam

THE killing of elderly women on grounds of witchcraft and superstition continues unabated in areas such as Mwanza and Shinyanga while the killers get away with murders. An average of 517 women (reported cases) are killed yearly in this country amid revelations of jealous and property conflicts.

According to statistics more than 2,585 old women were killed in eight regions of Tanzania Mainland over a period of not more than five years. And, of the eight regions, Mwanza and Shinyanga recorded the highest number of killings with 698 and 522 respectively.

The statistics also revealed that Tabora had 508 women killed, Iringa 256, Mbeya 196, Kagera 186, Singida 120 while 103 were killed in Rukwa. And this means that one old woman is killed in Mwanza Region after every three days while for Tabora and Shinyanga, an old woman is murdered after every four days.

Despite these shocking figures, the number of arrests seem not to correspond with the number of deaths and according to the HelpAge International Programme Manager, Flavian Bifandimu, in an exclusive interview with THISDAY, traditional beliefs that killing a witch is doing good service to the society has seen these killers being protected.

“We did a research in Magu District on the killings of older women on witchcraft accusations and discovered that traditional healers, property rights conflicts and jealous are some of the factors fueling the problem.

And, with the UN predicting that by 2050 the number of older people in Tanzania over the age of 60 will have dramatically increased from just over two million in 2006 to nearly over seven million in 2050, more stringent measures are needed to protect innocent elderly people from barbaric attacks.

It also remains true that as the population ages, the number of older women will increase. Older women and men experience ageing differently in Tanzania. Older women are less likely to remarry after the death of a partner and are more likely to be divorced or abandoned by their partner.

According to a research conducted by HelpAge International, in 2006 only 41 percent of older women were married compared to 82 percent of older men. The majority of older women, 84 percent according to the last census live in rural areas and these are areas more prone to such killings.

“Lack of data on older women in Tanzania is a major challenge to assessing the extent to which
their rights are being realised. No data is available on the number of older women who live below the poverty line. This lack of data is a major barrier to ensuring that appropriate programmes are designed and sufficient funds allocated to addressing poverty and the health service and social protection needs of older women and their families,” reads the report.

Bifandimu explained that HelpAge International and its partners’ experience over the last 21 years has been that older women in Tanzania face discrimination on the basis of their gender, age and poverty. The fact that older women live longer and are less likely to remarry than older men tend to leave more older women living in vulnerable conditions, relying on the goodwill of relatives and neighbours for economic security. The majority of older women have no access to formal social security in a country where only 5 per cent of the total labour force has access to it.

It is common knowledge that widowhood profoundly changes the status of women in Tanzania and undermines their security. Customary laws deny widows the right to inherit common assets (for example a house or land). Widows can be inherited by their deceased husband’s brother and must abide by these laws or risk being ostracised and left without income and assets at a time of trauma and bereavement.

For older widows, discrimination compounds the effects of a lifetime of poverty and gender
discrimination. This can result in extreme impoverishment and isolation, both for the widows
themselves and any dependents they care for. Their situation is worsened by a lack of knowledge of their legal rights, of how to access appropriate information and where to seek impartial advice and guidance.

Despite this older women continue to experience gender-based violence. In particular older
women are often subject to accusations of witchcraft which can result in psychological abuse,
intimidation, banishment from their homes and communities, isolation, violence and in extreme
cases, killings of older women.

Whilst accusations are common across the country, the extent to which these result in violence varies from region to region, being most extreme in the North Western parts of Tanzania.

The context in which accusations of witchcraft are made is complex. Deep seated cultural beliefs, the low status of women, poverty, and the need to apportion blame and seek redress for a negative event, such as a death in the family or crop failure, all contribute to a culture in which these allegations and subsequent violence is tolerated. Older women are often targeted due to their low status, their low levels of literacy, their inability to defend themselves and, in the event of widowhood, family members wishing to take control of property and assets. The vulnerable women are butchered while very little is done about it.

Bifandimu condemned the brutal acts saying the killings of elderly women violate their basic right to life.

“Right to life is a constitutional and human right and it is the role of the government to ensure its people live in peace,” he said.

Though he commended the government on its efforts in dealing with the problem, Bifandimu feels that more still needs to be done to address it.

“While there have been very good efforts in relation to the hunting of albino killers, there hasn't been the same level of work in relation to the killing of the elderly. We believe if the same efforts are applied then we could see a remarkable change,” he added.

Bifandimu also praised the police for the recent arrests where 14 people were nabbed on allegations of involvement in organised killings of elderly women in various districts in Mwanza Region, saying it is a step in the right direction and will deter would be killers. He also urged the government to spread the crackdown to other regions and bring the killers to book.

He said that there is need to make people aware that older people of today were youths of yesterday and youths of today will become the elderly tomorrow and if nothing is done now, then they are likely to face the same fate.

“The youths should be in the forefront in fighting for the rights of the elderly so that when they get old, they will benefit. They should fight the killings because they will also be killed, when they get old, if they don't stop it now,” he said.

(ENDS)